Will you blow on my dice?
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
