Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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