PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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