No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
