Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
