you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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