I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
