just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Randomize
