i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
