I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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