i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
