sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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