I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
