he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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