I skipped work to stalk him.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
