nutella sex= disaster
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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