you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
