you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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