Your tits are I can't wait for
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
