im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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