Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
