I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
