matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
