i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
