Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
