So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
