I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
