Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
