I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
