the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
