My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
