im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I need moral support for this bender
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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