Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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