So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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