can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
