I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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