i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
