why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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