omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
