I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
