He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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