Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
