Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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