remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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