i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
