i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
