get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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