ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
