god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
