So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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