I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
ok first of all what the fuck
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