So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
