So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
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