speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
