Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
