Please, let me fuck your mom
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
You can't just leave with hair like that
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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