Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
