So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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