i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
