His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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