He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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