I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
