Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
