I just made out with a guy for $7.
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
