Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
