I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
