My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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