o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Can vaginas get frostbite?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
