Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
you would pick up someone in the library
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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