I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
