There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
