I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
