so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
